Three weeks + 1 day

Just a quick update:

I know more today than I did yesterday, but still very little about what the next months will bring and/or how aggressive treatment will be.  I have some labs pending that dictate how we proceed, how successful the surgery was, and how often I get to go back to visit the north side of Appleton for doctor visits. 

{Perk: Copper Rock Coffee shop in the medical office building.}

My endocrinologist felt at least one unsavory lymph node. He also made sure to ask Issac if he could get him a good deal on a mortgage ;) I have been referred to radiation oncology and will see them next week about a radioactive iodine treatment (more on this later) that will occur somewhere in the first half of December.

I just spent the last couple of hours trying to figure out what I will be able to eat (as well as what I will have to avoid) over the next 2-3.5 weeks. To prepare for the treatment, patients have to be on a low/no iodine diet. Quick & very basic lesson: Thyroid cells eat iodine. Thyroid cancer cells eat iodine. Other cells leave iodine alone, for the most part. Iodine comes into our bodies via our diet, sometimes things just contain iodine (like milk) and sometimes it is added by way of iodized salt. By starving the thyroid cells of iodine (by consuming a low/no iodine diet), their little bellies are empty. When I take this radioactive iodine, the cells are so “hungry” for iodine that they will take up more iodine than they would if I had not been restricting the iodine intake in my diet. Then radioactive part of ‘radioactive iodine’ will then blow up these thyroid+thyroid cancer cells. Oversimplified, but you get the basic idea.  So anyway..   I was making a list (imagine that..) and have one column of “Avoid This Like The Plague” and another called “I Think This is Okay..” I had to laugh aloud when I realized the “Eat This and Waste Tons of Money on Expensive Radioactive Treatment”  list included potatoes, gravy, meats injected with salt water broth, red dyes (often found in canned cranberries), butter, molasses, chocolate, and most breads. Sounds like I will be having a very “interesting” and non-traditional Thanksgiving dinner this year! I’m having a much easier time finding out things that I cannot eat versus those that I can. I have found sources that state that wine is approved on a low/no iodine diet, so if all else fails I will munch on carrot sticks and sip Cabernet for three weeks. 

::Diversion of the Day::

Photo 1: Intention of pinto bean sensory bin
Photo 2: Ingrid's interpretation

Three weeks.

{I hope the two smallest Olson girls forgive me for high jacking this little family blog, previous to now all posts revolved around sharing toddler antics and updates.}

I haven’t meant to leave anyone hanging, but honestly nothing relevant has been going on since I had that second surgery on the 17^thof October. It doesn’t do me much good to speculate on what I *think* will happen next, and although I’m pretty sure I know what is coming my way I will refrain from jumping to any conclusions. I do have an appointment with an endocrinologist tomorrow that should be quite telling in terms of staging and what the next couple of months will look like in terms of treatment, scans, etc. … so I am feeling both anxious and dreadful and hopeful about tomorrow and hopefully will leave feeling at least a small bit of direction for what comes next.

I also think that maybe it has taken me three weeks before I was prepared to sit down and write something because sitting down to write something means that I had to slow down and admit that this is actually happening to our family right now. It has been so much easier to just go on with each day as it was before I got that phone call three weeks ago today.  Some might call this “denial” or “avoidance,” but I guess I feel like at this point in the process.. at the “in between” stage that we are in where the surgery is complete and the diagnosis has been delivered but no treatment plan has been set.. I feel like someone in my position in the 'in between' has two choices: you can spend your time worrying and hemming and hawing about what might happen and letting that word "cancer.. cancer.. cancer" bounce around in your head and worrying what the future will bring, or you can spend that ‘in between’ time spending quality time thinking about and doing those things that keep you positive. Lucky for me, I have two EXTREMELY busy kiddos that have served as the ultimate positive distraction. To those of you who have offered to watch the girls for us, I promise there will be a time in the not-too-distant future where I will take you up on such an offer, but honestly right now their busy little lives have been a welcome distraction. I can honestly say that there are days where this whole cancer diagnosis doesn’t cross my mind until they are both asleep. I'm in a good and positive place, and feeling like, "Let's just get on with this treatment thing.."

Most often, I am asked how I am feeling. Right now, I feel fine. Not great.. just ‘fine.’ :) The surgeries were relatively uncomplicated and the recovery was as expected: it took a week or so, but eventually the range of motion in my neck was back. Even my scar is looking good, see:

This necklace was a gift from a great friend. It makes me smile.

The only physical thing keeping me in the “fine” category and not “good” or “great” has been the removal of my thyroid. This little gland is one of those things you cannot fully appreciate until it is gone, as it seems to control everything from energy level to metabolism to body temperature regulation. And while there are synthetic thyroid replacement medications, their half-life is long so it takes weeks and weeks to tweak dosages and get a person back to where they feel like themselves. For now, I have ‘good’ days and ‘fine’ days.. in general, my gas tank just runs out of gas earlier than usual. Instead of running at full-speed-ahead until my head hits the pillow at 1am, I have days where anything after 3pm is a challenge. Issac jokes that I am struggling with this because I now have to sleep "like a normal person." Previously, I ran consistently on about 5 hours of sleep.. but now my brain isn’t tired, but my body is exhausted. I have been drinking coffee like nobody’s business because it seems to help a bit. I am also thankful for my slow cooker, because I have been able to do some cooking early in the day while I still am running at full speed. {Please forward any favorite slow cooker recipes my way! I love soup, and feel that both fall and winter in Wisconsin are made for meals of soup& bread!}  Emotionally and mentally, I am really feeling good. I feel guilty about doing a poor job of responding to messages, phone calls, emails, USPS mail. I hope you all know how much your thoughts and kind words mean to me, the messages you have sent cross my mind at various points in this process and leave me feeling very supported.

I guess what I am saying is that I’m doing well right now.  I’m anticipating some rough patches ahead in December, and I get a little emotional and sad when I think that it will quite likely affect both our Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, the very much anticipated wedding of some dear friends, and  the celebration of both Amelia & Issac’s birthdays. I know everyone understands, but this doesn't make the guilt any easier for me. 'Tis a busy time of year to throw some cancer into the mix..

I realize many of you have questions and I look forward to answering them (up next: “How did you know something was wrong? Should I be concerned about my own thyroid?” and “How fast did this all happen?”) but it is time for me to catch some sleep before these small people arise way too early tomorrow morning: daylight savings time is SO hard to explain to a one year old.

Much love and appreciation of your kind thoughts,

Nicole & Family

Happy Halloween

Amelia has been infatuated with the musical Annie for nearly six months, so it was no surprise that her Halloween costume ideas came from the cast list. Interestingly, her first choice of costume was "Miss Hannigan" (reminder: Miss Hannigan was the orphanage manager). I asked her, "What does Miss Hannigan do?" and she said, "She dances around and drinks lots of water!" (dances around = stumbles; drinks water = gin). Her first take:

After a few weeks, she decided that she wanted to be Annie herself. When I asked why she changed her mind, she told me that "Annie sings better songs." (whew!!) 

If you have been in Ingrid's company lately, you have noticed how passionate she is about her "what does a dog say" bark. And when I say, "passionate".. I mean "you can hear it within a 25 foot radius." This kid is loud, and her dog barking is no exception. We had our eyes out for a cute puppy costume, but one afternoon Amelia put the ladybug antennae hat on Ingrid while they were playing, and there was no going back. While we felt bad "recycling" a costume for Ingrid, it turns out that she wouldn't have it any other way. This is probably the first "comparison" photo I have gotten around to pulling together of the girls, and I'm sure someday they'll be just thrilled *sarcasm* with this one!

Sometimes Ingrid will forget that she has her antennae on and will toddle around for hours with them on. It's one of the cutest things ever.

Well, without further ado.. the little Olson ladies Halloween 2012: 

Last year's Halloween Posts: Sisters in Costume and Halloween Big Post !

She walks, She talks.. She plays the harmonica!

Ingrid is eleven months old today, and at the risk of sounding cliche, I will admit that we aren't quite sure where the time has gone. This summer has been full of adventures, so much that we never really got into a daily routine of sorts until just last week! Consequently, we are quite overdue on the "Baby Update" requested via email.. Sorry!

Though she took her first steps a good three or four weeks ago, Ingrid is officially walking around. (I'm going to try my hand at including a video here for the first time.. I hope you all can view it! If you are reading through an email subscription you might have to click on the blog title to bring you to the actual site)

In addition to the walking, there is quite a bit of talking going on with both of the little ones.. Ingrid says about six words and hollers, screaches and points at the rest of what she is trying to tell you. Amelia's vocabulary has transitioned into the realm of sarcasm, which leads to Issac and I attempting fervently at the end of the day to remember the things that she said to make us laugh aloud.

Our theme last weekend was 'musical instruments.' Though Ingrid enjoyed all of the noise-making options, she really took a liking to the harmonica and the kazoo.

Until next time.. we will be busy chasing these little girls!

Farmer's Market Time!

Hands down, one of my favorite things about Appleton 

is the summer&fall Downtown Farmer's Market! 

Hang in There!

There are so many technology-related reasons for our lack of photos and stories as of late:

..I have misplaced my camera cord

..Blogger has some updates that I haven't quite figured out yet

..my computer does not have a glare filter and the weather is unbelievable

Couple those with many non-technology-related reasons and .. well.. it's still just been awhile.

Either way, we've been busy.

And busy is good, it makes for tired kids at the end of the day. 

Tired kids sleep well, which leads to well-rested parents. 

We will be back soon with some photos from May. 
Until then, check out this photo from the Zoo in May with Auntie Heidi!

Swingin' {by Baby Ingrid}

When you're still too little, sometimes the park is no fun.

I can't go down the slide all by myself (like my big sister)

I can't drive the bouncy cars yet..

 I can't color with sidewalk chalk because mom thinks I will eat it {and she's right!}

 I can't climb the fancy stairs or walk across the bouncy bridges..

No monkey bars or crazy climbing contraptions for me..

What's a {seven month old} girl to do?

SWING!

and SWING!

and SING!